Its half way through 2011 and the shit pile is stinking !! Even more so.

Hi again.  I just read my last posting and then spent an hour crying and reflecting about everything.

... at the moment I feel like everyone gets to drive down the highway of life and I am stuck in the off road without a 4x4 and I just hit a mud slide, I am going down and dragging my kids with me. I am sad.

    Well, Christmas came and went. It was hard. It is one thing to be on the other side of the planet and have your dad ignore you but it really hit my kids this past holiday that just maybe mom is right and our dad really is a jerk. Christmas came and went not one gift or good wishes. Both of my boys had a birthday and still nothing.
What hurts even more is that his friends accept everything. No ones cares about the kids and I.

So why does it hurt? I mean after all he is an idiot and we do not need him in our lives. Except that I just found out 2 weeks after I was given a divorce that my now ex has a 4 year old son. He does not even support the kids he already made, yet he gets to go out and start a family new. I do not. I don't get that chance, my baby days are over. Now I am just a divorced old maid.

Clearly my state of mind at the moment is pure over load. Why ??? Well let me write and get it off my chest.

    Remember I wrote that I was staying at my friends cousins house.  We thought at the moment it was a blessing but like everything else it went sour.
My friends cousin had recently hooked up with a millionaire girlfriend and they took a moment to hear my story and seemed full of support. The key word being seemed.  They watched my You Tube video and seen the work I have done.
    I was still job hunting at the time with no luck, so I asked 'The Cousin' if company would like to sponsor a haunted house, so that I could make some money and have a chance to showcase my work and hopefully get my party business started back up again.  the 'Cousin' was all smug and told me okay, I could use his large garage and that he even had a 700 client mail list to invite. It was going to be great.
I put my job search on the back burner with high hopes and spent 3 weeks solid, 4 hours a sleep each night so that I could make an entire haunted house out of paper mache. I had to because I had no money for materials. Cardboard and newspaper is free.  The stuff i did have to buy like glue and stuff I charged on my credit card, including food for the house. But I was confident that the money would come in because I am the 'Queen of Halloween' !!
    Halloween arrived. I was done, it looked fantastic! I even got drama students from my old high school to come and be my spooks to bring the house alive. Two days before the event The 'Cousin'  organized $500 in sponsorship money for treats. I used the money to make a payment on my credit card. Good thing too because 20 people showed up. 20 !!!!!!! and not one from the 'Cousins' list. Why, because 4 days before the event he had his secretary phone me to ask for the info so she ould whip something up. IN 4 DAYS, are you FRI&%$* Kidding me. Man Oh Man I was pissed.
But when you have nothing and there is someone in your face saying "Oh Look at my $255,000 car" "Oh look I just got $9 million in my divorce settlement" "Oh Look,Oh Look, Oh Look" at one point you just want to slap them. It was like starving and having to watch everyone else eat.
Oh and they did that too. Asked me if we would like to join them for Chinese food, make me pay and then eat all the 'No Meat' portions that came. We ate plain rice (that we made in our rice cooker to save money) and had to split the veggies I ordered 5 ways. Even though the meat they ordered had veggies in it. Stupid stupid people.
     Or how about the moment when The 'Cousin' asked me to go to his Company Christmas Party with him because his girlfriend was out of town. I said "Thank you but the truth is I have exactly $5 in my pocket and no food in the fridge and nothing to wear." his answer was "I will give you money to go and buy a new dress because I need someone to drive me so I can drink."
    I am still shaking my head over that one. Was I supposed to go out to dinner and not think of my own hungry children? Money for a dress how about for food? or how about simply paying me some gas money for driving him all over the place when he was too drunk to drive?? Just how did he think I was paying for gas?
And for all their talk to my kids they did not even get so much as a "Merry Christmas". Just silence. They did nothing wrong, they were nothing but polite, helpfull and clean. people are so stupid.

   Let me just take a quick moment to vent. yes, I appreciated that the 'Cousin' let us stay in his guest house for free. But was it really free? I was a personal maid. I cleaned his house, dishes, toilets, bath tubs,garbage and recycle, laundry, dog care, poop clean up.
My son even worked in his garden. (oh he did pay him $20 once to show him 'Job Pride" how white of him.)

    If you knew me you would know that when Randie cleans IT IS CLEAN !! I am that good. But yet I can not get a job as a cleaning lady because $10 an hour does not pay my rent or put food on my table.
(Also it turns out that I now physically get ill cleaning up after strangers. Really spew city!! This job is no longer an option for me).

   Ha The 'Cousin' owns a real estate company. He said "Oh Randie, you are an amazing cleaner" I mean I even cleaned and scrubbed out his fridge. But when I asked if he could help me get a few houses to clean with a recommendation he said ... quote, unquote ... "If I recommend you then I might hurt the feelings of the lady that used to clean my house" got that USED TO CLEAN HIS HOUSE .  Clearly helping a single, broke, homeless mother of three get back on their feet and out of his house was not a priority.
But did my work for him not have a value?

  But get this, that is not the real reason I am mad. I am mad at myself for once again trusting in someone.
I should know better by now. There is no one for me. I am alone. The sooner I realize this the less sad I am sure to be. Waiting for a hero. HA, I am a fool.
   The part that I am mad at is the fact that the 'Cousin' and his millionaire girlfriend looked at my kids in the eye and promised them that everything would be okay. That she has our back. I know it is wrong to hate but I really do hate them. Hurt me but not my kids. My youngest now has no trust at all, he does not even trust me now.

    Well Face Book surprised me. I tried to reach out for help and a bit came. One week before Christmas an old high school classmate showed up at our doorstep with a very large bin of food and movie tickets and $250 dollars cash plus a $50 Walmart gift card. I still cry when I think of it.  Apparently I did something for her when she became a single mom and now she was paying me back. I can not remember what I did for her. I can't remember very much from before Switzerland. It only comes back to me in flashes now. 

    This classmate took things one step further and one week later arranged that I work for her dad in his office. well I am not an office person or computer savvy so her father actually took Brock on for the job. this was smart as he is a computer wiz and you only have to show or explain anything just once and he already gets it.
    So now things were looking up.  My friends Dad then put me to work as a cashier in his store. Yup things were on an uphill slope now. Right ?

    Well, they could have been. They should have been. The 'Cousin' should have been thrilled that I finally found work but now he was asking $1800 for rent. I had not even got my first paycheck. I would only make $1200 I have no idea what he expected from me.
   Clearly he is a stupid idiot because when I explain it was impossible he became impossible. He was drinking all the time anyway but now while I was at work he was coming over to the guest house and making my daughter and youngest son stressed and uncomfortable, even making them cry and fighting with them.
    Needless to sat this sent my stress through the roof.  We had no choice but to have Brock quit and stay home because now my 2 kids were scared on a daily basis.
    I took a deep breath and asked my new boss if he could lend me the deposit money to get into a different place and he refused.  I was stressed and pissed but what could I do, we needed the money. But this only made the 'Cousin' more mad. He could not understand why Brock was home again and not bringing in any money.

So what happened next...
    the 'Cousin' told me he decided to sell his house and move into his girlfriends 5 million dollar home. We have to go asap. No help, no promises kept. Just go. NOW!
At this moment I did not even have 2 dimes to rub together. But things just kept rolling down the hill.

  But sometimes the universe has been known to give a bone now and then. The 'Cousin' was freaking out and gave me an out date while he and his girlfriend were down in Las Vegas. They hired a lady to come in and watch the house and take care of the dogs. If you call standing in the backyard smoking care??

   I was at the computer searching like crazy wondering how would I move with no money? Then my bone came. The Family enforcement came through and the money my ex was to start paying back in November came through. all 4 months of back pay. Cool, just like that we had a deposit to move and move we did. I grabbed the first place we could get that was cheap and big and took pets. Bamm !!! We thought that was it. Home free. We got a Uhaul and within 24 hours we were out of the cousins and in the middle of a blueberry farm.
    Cool. We we had the 'Cousin' and his stupid rich girlfriend out of our lives. We now have a home where we all actually have our own bedroom.
    While we were in the guest house it was just one bedroom. we all shared 2 mattresses for 5  months. Finally we could breath and start our new life on the coast fresh and move forward in a positive direction.

    FYI, the new house sitter was found dead in the house. The 'Millionaire Girlfriend' has two kids that are doing stuff I would never let my kids even think about. Sex and Hard Drugs is not the world of teenagers under the age of 16 . that does not happen with a loving mom. ( that is all I will say)

    I know, I know how could they possibly get any worse??? Things are good right?
Well, let me tell you. It did. This new job as cashier was plugging along but it took a turn. The boss decided that I should learn all parts of the business so that I could step into any ones shoes if they got sick or needed a holiday. Sounded good.
Except.
    It was a pharmacy and when I started working with the pills I started getting sick. By the second week of pill work there was no going back. I was scared shitless. My face blew up like a balloon and broke out into a swollen rash that was so bad that when I went into work to get my prescription filled no one even knew who I was. My faced peeled off. I was swollen, raw and ozzing. I was scared and sad.

    Why sad. we just moved, I used the money I received to move but there was not enough for a phone hook up or internet. Having food was more of a concern but i knew that by next month with me working and my ex's payment we would be okay. But the Pharmacy never called to find out if I was okay. They had my sisters number so it is not like they did not know how to get a hold of me. There I was scared and once again alone.

    Yes, I have 3 teenagers so I am not alone right. Wrong, you could not be more wrong. It is not my place to share my stress and burden with them. If I did, what kind of mother would I be. I am stressed enough for all of us. The only sanity I get is from seeing my kids smile and laugh.

I say that now but wait.

    So there I was recovering from my face peel and wondering how I would make it now. BOOM another Bone. When I filed for taxes no one pointed out I was not getting family allowance. So I applied and we got it along with a refund for the past 4 years I did not receive it. How cool was that. So I thought wow, I have rent money now I can look for a good job and we are going to be okay. Right?!

Right?!?

    One of the first things I did , besides clear off my credit cards, was sign my 2 boys up to be extras in the movies. There was a sign up fee but we could do it now.  While we were there my oldest son filled in a draw for a chance to win part scholarship to an acting school. He won. We went in to discuss things and it turned out that the owner of the school was in the middle of making a TV show called 'Party Mamas' and in need of a good decorator. So we made a deal that I would decorate and in exchange my son could join her school no questions and no extra fees they normally charge.
    I know, I did not get that much money. My son applied (with the schools help) for a Government loan so he could join the college. Done, he was approved.
But not like we thought.
    The party for the show was up on top of Whistler Mountain. I made an under the sea party decorations. The deal was she would pay for all the supplies and my labor was free.
    Long story short, as legally I have signed a contract forbidding me to talk about what happened, but it was a total disaster. In all my 25 years of making parties and events NEVER EVER has a party gone so wrong before. it cost me $1500 of my own money for supplies and when the show airs in November I am going to look like SHIT !!!!!!  Really they strung me along the whole way with smiles on their faces throwing one curve at me after another only to make me the bad guy at the end.
So much for starting up a party business from that mess.

    When I reflect back there was nothing that I could have changed or prevented. Shit just happened. I worked very hard to make things look great.
    The behind the scene that I have to spare telling the school owner because she was already stressed and in tears non stop.
    In order to make everything look great within the 3 weeks I had to get the project done, I asked an old friend to help. His wife and I are close but he is also a friend of my ex's. But I needed help. He asked "What is in it for him"? so I suggested that any business we get from this TV show we team up and make more parties. My work was for free but the materials were paid for. I asked him if he would help and he agreed.
    He made a giant sandcastle entrance way I asked him to do and he did an internet search and wanted to make the table tops out of sugar making it look like coral. It was a great idea and looked great. I really thought at this point that we could actually team up and do great work. Heck I was looking forward already to making an awesome Halloween Event together.

It would have been good. It could have been great.

    But 4 days before the event my friend says he wanted $1500 to go up the mountain and decorate. He all of a sudden decided that my son was getting a deal out of all this and so should he. I couldn't pay that. I offered to pay him $20 an hour to come up the mountain for 2 days to help decorate and take down but this was out of my own pocket. i figured $250 - $300 was a bit of a help. But he wanted more. So, he stopped his work and left me high and dry. Too late to get anyone else to help me. Brock and I went up to do it all ourselves.
Like I said I am under contract to not say the details but it went very bad.
This is no longer my friend I am sad to say.

    But I was not even sad. really because right in the middle of it all, I got a call from the Super Chef Program that I had applied for earlier and they wanted we. They had an event coming up just after the Whistler party and I thought waa hoo I will work for them and put this mess behind me. After all my son was now attending school and happier then I have ever seen him in is entire life. So it did have a happy ending. For him.

    I did the event for Super Chef with the idea I would be setting up more. Unfortunately they told me after the event that the funding they need to open a cooking room has not come through and even though they would like to hire me they still can not. But I will be doing Halloween for them as I proposed doing a :Healthy, Happy Halloween" and maybe a Christmas idea I have too??

    So that takes me to now.  I thought, heck too bad about the Super Chefs better a little bit with them then nothing. (I love their program that much if I had money I would sponsor them and work with the kids for free)

    I would simply go and get any old job to pay the bills and I would keep on keeping on. Right?

    But just a couple of days ago, my new land lord told me that his house has sold and he needs us to move out asap.  They need to get in to do some high end renovations so they can move in with comfort and ease. They are very wonderful and sweet people so it is hard to not do as I am asked.  But I am very stressed and very sad.

    I can not believe this at all. My money is now gone. I was able to pay rent up until now but my job search has now turned into a house search but I have no money to move anyway.

    I am back where we started "You can not get a house without a job and you can not get a job without a place to live".
    Only now there is no child support or back taxes to look forward to helping us get through. Now there is nothing.
    I am very sad and lost at this moment. I do not trust anyone and I am so hurt I do not think I could take one more bad news, not one. I can't I really can't. Oh God I think I am broken.

   I confess. In all that we have gone through over the years and you have just read only about 40% of everything in this Blog I started one year ago.  For some reason I am having a very hard time. I can not stop crying. I can not eat. I can not sleep. I can not do one creative thing. My ideas are not coming to me. It feels like I am closing down. I am all out of hope. I give up on Faith.

   The only light that I have coming into my dark tunnel at the moment is that the only man I have ever cared for or loved has found me on face book. He has been alone for 4 years. It is sooooooo nice to hear his voice. I feel 17 again. He says the nicest things and fills me with such happiness. But the truth is he only knows a fraction of all we are going through. He has no idea how much I would like to just crawl up beside him and just stay there. Someone to watch over me.
    Unfortunately he lives in Alberta. It is not just a jump away or I would have jumped.  I am so happy he is back in my life but for how long? I lost him once and I feel with my bad streak I am going to lose him again. Oh God how that hurts.  I do not want to be a burden to him. He deserves better then loser me that is for sure.
   It is at a point that my happiness hurts because I have nothing to offer this man but a broken me. That is too much for anyone.
   Why did I not find him when I had some money??  Why now?? The Universe must get a laugh out of seeing me suffer??? That is what it feels like.

  There. Ahhh I can breath. Thank you for letting me vent yet once again.   Maybe now I can sleep, now that all these things I have written are on the page and hopefully out of my mind??

   I do not know where I am going or what to do. I am sitting here with my head spinning and my heart sad and up in my throat.

   A few days ago we did get an offer to move right across the street for the same price but we have to move again in 6 months because they are ripping the house down. i know beggers can not be picky but it is an old run down party house. My kids freaked when they went inside. I am not out to freak my kids out any more then they already are.

   What we need is some stability. I just do not know how to do that.

    Plus I am back in the same boat as before. I am broke and welfare will not help.... much anyway. The most I can get is $1100 for a family of 4. But because my ex now gives me $900 i will only get $200. Yup that is it. That will not even pay our rent. I was told to just go and get a job and a cheap place to live. But WHERE?? and no Government help is offered. I do not qualify for unemployment because I was out of the country so long and the work I did at the pharmacy was not long enough to qualify. I am screwed (without the fun)

   For the first time my kids see I am sad. I am yelling. They have no idea of what is really going on. I think my daughter is the only one that has the slightest clue. But it is not my intention to stress my kids out.  But the stress is getting the best of me.

    Why is all this happening?  How do I break this bad streak? What is gonna happen?  Why Oh why can we not just win the lottery??

I am in the wrong movie !!!

I want off this ride, I am dizzy and ready to spew. Please stop this ride and let me off.

Please, I want to go home. Oh wait, I have never had a home to go to, what am I thinking.

Long time no write...

    Hello again. I know it has been a long time since I wrote on my BLOG but I have a whole new understanding of "Same shit, different pile".

    I have simply been praying and hoping for a miracle to happen but as it turns out. So far nothing. But then again one never knows when the universe is stepping in or not.
    A real good example of this would be what happened to me last week.  As I now only have $2 in my bank account, I have been forced to turn in my 'Shoppers Drug Mart Optimum Points' for food. I had collected enough points that I would be able to get an $85 credit in the store. So last Friday night my daughter and I went out to do just that.   Before we headed out my daughter found some change in her suitcase and was excited that we should first stop and get a bag of potatoes. Great! We love to make mashed potatoes and spiced potato skins as a meal. Even when we had good money this was our favorite meal. So off we went.

   We went to the Superstore first and grabbed the spuds but when we came out I got an unbelievable  headache. It was the worst I had ever had in my life and instantly brought me to tears. As my daughter is so sweet she insisted that we just go home and turn in our Shoppers points tomorrow. Me, being stubborn kept insisting I just needed a minute to calm down as it was probably due to stress. Nope, my daughter insisted we go home as I was already in so much pain I could hardly drive. She reminded me that we already have potatoes and we are good for the night. So I listened to her and we went home.

     As sweet as she is, my darling daughter stepped up and made mashed potatoes and spiced baked skins. Her specialty. By the time it was ready my headache was gone. We ate.  I then suggested that it was not too late to go back but we decided simply to wait until Saturday.  In the early afternoon I set out to Shoppers and to my extreme surprise they were having a special on that was only Saturday and Sunday, that if you turn in your Optimum Points you get a bonus. Wow, instead of $85 worth of product, we were now going to get $125. I did not find this out until I went to the till to pay. There were no posters up announcing this, only an ad in the flyer. So the cashier froze my order while I went back and grabbed more stuff.  Now if we had gone on Friday night like we had planned we would have missed out on this deal. I always tend to miss these deals because I never get the flyer (and if I do, never read them) It all worked out. Thanks to my mysterious headache.
  So you never know when good things are happening.

    Needless to say I have been looking for work. But things have changed. I went and made my resume and printed up extra copies and put them all into nice folders only to discover that no one would take my resume. 
     I have been gone out of the country too long to know that every one wants you to sign up online and not in person. The days of meeting someone and smiling and shaking hands have ended. Now we are just words on someones screen. How cheesy.
    Well clearly if you can not beat them you join them. My results.... I keep getting back responses that I am too old. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??? I am only 42!!!  I have never felt so out of wack in all my life. All my experience means nothing because of my age. That is just messed up! Whatever happened to the best person for the job? What ever happened to experience counting?

    I did find one job that appealed to me and they called me for an interview. Unfortunately it is a non profit organization that can not afford to hire me unless a grant that they applied for goes through....in 4-6 months. I love the job. It is actually my dream job but I simply can not afford to wait. I need monies now.

     So, what has become of my As**ole of a husband?  Somehow he was able to go to the Supreme Court of BC and get a divorce granted. As of yesterday I am now officially divorced. I had no say in the process or a chance to make my side heard. Everywhere I turned I was told to get a lawyer and I can not afford one. I could not find a free one. I was awarded minimum payment for my children but no alimony.  The court says he was to start paying me Nov. 1st 2010 and the first of every month after that but it is already December 9th 2010 and I have not seen a penny. I may now have to go through the process of having to file for the Province to step in and enforce payment. But as I only found all this out 4 days ago, I have been told the process will take 4-6 weeks before anyone can help me get money from him. So unless he grads some balls this will be a very quiet Christmas.

    I was even told beggars can't be choosers. Hey Hey excuse me!!! He has not paid me a cent in 13 years. I am past begging.  Why should he get away with this kind of behavior ???  This is okay with the courts?? I sure do not feel like Canada has my back!!
   Whatever happened to the old ways of divorce meaning splitting everything 50/50???  Whatever happened to the house we bought together? Whatever happened to our classic car be bought together? What ever happened to the contents of our home we shared before we went to Europe? Simply "What Happened"???
He abandoned me with 3 small children and no money and an eviction to the apartment we were living in. He mentally and physically abused me for years! Why oh why does he get away with all this.

    Do you know what I am going to do? Nothing! The way I figure it is this. Our Canadian Government may not have my back but I have faith in a higher power way above and beyond the stupidity that is here on earth. I feel that there is no greater punishment then the loss of ones children. I have incredible kids. My exhusband will never ever know this, he will always miss out on their awesomeness ! I have everything and he has nothing.  He could try to replace them by having more kids but there will be no comparison ha ha ha.
    There is not enough money on the earth to equal the wonderfulness of my kids and the Love they have for me and I them.  He will never know this.  One could almost pity the fool. Ha. I said almost.

   So where are we and what are we doing?  I am staying at a friends cousins guest house. I clean house and do odd gardening chores to help keep us welcome. It has been a very humbling experience. 
    My kids are still doing home school and I am endlessly looking for work.  Like I said...same shit different pile.  My kids, especially my daughter, have great hope, faith and belief that something really good will happen very soon. I am told to "Believe in the me that believes in you" this keeps me going.

     I joined face book to "Get a life". It has helped me finds a lot of people from my past. It just saddens me that I have no good news to share with them.  I have to lie all the time when asked if we are all okay. No one wants to hear how hard life is. No one. I put myself out there a few times with my story but never to hear from these friends again. Thee is one or two that say they care and keep me close but they are no in any kind of position to help me. Their friendship means the world to me.
     I have even found some of my Swiss friends. The part that hurts is they do not believe for one minute that we are broke and homeless. That hurts. They do not believe that someone as awesome as Annette Ringier would ever put my family into such a position. That hurts even more. 
     I guess it is true that you learn who your friends are when you are down. It hurts because if we were in a position to help a friend in need we would. Really. But I am constantly reminded that everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out. So be it.

    Everyday I have to wake up and give myself a pep talk to keep my chin up and my hopes high. It is hard, it would be so easy to just give up and curl into a little ball and say F**k it!  Clearly I am made of better stuff then that.  I chose to keep the faith and hope that "Yes", something GREAT & WONDERFUL is about to happen. The nice thing is, I will know who my real friends are. Clearly. What an awkward blessing.

    Christmas is coming soon. We do not care. We have no tree or decorations and certainly there will be no gift exchange this year. But we are simply so happy that we have each other. Really.
     My youngest son is about to turn 14 in two weeks. There will be no party, for this I feel bad. My oldest will have a birthday 2 weeks later and the same thing. So please say a prayer and send us some good wishes. We can use all the positive vibes that we can get.

   Last night I got an email from my 'Dream Job' at Super Chefs of the Universe  http://www.superchefs.tv and it turns out they have more faith in me then I do of myself at the moment. When they can afford me , they still want me. I am very happy for this.  In the mean time, they are going to get the word out and help me look for work. How wonderful. Good people like this are few and far between.

    I am back in the life of my sister. After losing my Mom, this relationship means the world to me. My kids are also happy to have family. She is not in a position to help but just having her to talk to helps big time. being able to go to her home and have a coffee and laugh feels so good.  Having her wish the best for me and the kids is everything to me.  I missed her.  Living so far away was always hard. I hope we never stray again.

    Things are slowly looking up.
  
     Thank you for taking the time to read my Blog. I will write again soon.
Randie

The end of October

I am feeling bad today. I have spent weeks making a Haunted House all out of paper mache and so far only about 20 groups have come to see it.  Tonight is the last night and I hope that more people come. I had to do this on no budget as all our things are in the lockup in Prince George. I thought this was a good idea as my daughter begged me to do it. Now I am feeling a fool.

I have a job interview on Tuesday, I am hopeful but at the same time I have no faith in my talents at the moment. I am feeling more lost then ever. 

 http://www.bclocalnews.com/surrey_area/surreyleader/community/105306873.html

Time to Share

Up until now, I have been simply writing this Blog to get things out of my head. I must say it has been helping. Even if no one is reading it.
I now realize, with the help of my children, that I have to put myself out there and share. 


This got pointed out to me when I came home from a nice lunch with an old school friend.  My kids seen right away that something was up. So I explained that it was very difficult to have a complete conversation with anyone because questions from our past always come up. Things that I can not explain without the feeling of loss and sadness. I do not want to cry over lunch and spoil what could be a nice date.
So my son Brock gave me a quote from 'Wayne's World':
Garth Algar: Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl? Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.

So here I go. I will share my story with the friends I have on Face Book. If you stick around then we can build a nice friendship. If you never write me again then it was never meant to be.
And most importantly, the next time I get invited out on a lunch date, I do not have to worry about talking about all my history because you already know it, we can just laugh and have a good time.
(although I do not get asked out very often. I even had to hire a date for our prom because no one asked me.
Yup the cats out of the bag now.... I'm a spewing....)

The truth is my wounds are very fresh.  My kids and I have had a very terrible experience and we are looking to move forward in a positive direction. But we may need a little help and we may have to learn to trust all over again.

My Daughter made a You Tube video using the few photos we do have, there are actually hundreds more, showing all we have done and lost.  It is 10 minutes long so you may want to pour a cup of coffee/tea.

If you are reading this Blog, it is best to go to the very first one from back in August to give you a better idea of what has happened lately.


Thank you for taking the time and energy to learn about our situation. 
Bless you 
Randie and the Gang

Tuesday already

My OH my, time does fly when one is busy looking for work.

I really want this Halloween Event to be a great success!

I feel good today, forgiveness is a wonderful feeling. Hate takes up so much energy.

What needs more energy is the position our Canadian politicians have put us into. Really.
I have so many questions. Like; I do not understand why we have to pay tax at a second hand store?
Correct me if I am wrong but did we not already pay tax on these items? It almost makes you want to go out and buy new just to beat the double tax system down! or is that what they want us to do??? but new and support big business?

I have other questions but I better spread them out. Just joking, I have some paper mache to make. I am in the middle of making a ticket booth and a monster chair. I finished a jumbo pumpkin but now I have to paint it.

The kids spent the last of their pocket money (They were allowed to keep the money from the personal  things they sold in the garage sale) and they bought the Sony Play Station Move system. WE LOVE IT.
PLAYSTATION ROCKS. We are the biggest fans ever.
Why bother with any other system? PS3 has everything you need for entertainment! EVERYTHING! I really love the Sing Star and Buzz too! This MOVE is just awesome. Everyone should have one. It makes great fitness on a rainy day.

Well gotta amche. Thanks for reading.
Have a nice Wednesday.
Randie

New Chapter

It is Sunday Night, I have spent the day making props for the
Halloween Haunted House.
Yes, I am still making it because I still wish to keep my word
and there is a need to make more awareness to the homeless
issue here in Canada. After all, it could happen to anyone.

I know this event will be very successful. I am happy to do it.

Tonight, I will sleep like a baby.
Have a nice night.
Thank you for reading my Blog
Have a wonderful Monday
Best Wishes Always
Randie

Sunday Night, once again.

It has taken me a few days to write because going to the lawyers sent me for a loop.
So, who cares that I do not remember my husbands birthday? or where he was born? or the date we got married? Clearly I put a lot of useless information out of my head. Who knew I would have to remember these things again.
I tried to explain my situation and it threw the lawyer for a loop. He could not understand why Annette Ringier would bother to pay me for three years."'Who does that and why"? I tried to explain...
and Yes a lot has happened
and it is very confusing
and parts of it is actually unbelievable.
But I am not making it up!
My Karma is too important to me.
Besides my daughter says "Hey, if we were going to make it up, we would add a dragon or two"! she is funny.
I did not want to talk about Annette with the lawyer but he insisted on knowing my income for the past three years and where it came from.
And then trying to explain how we ended up homeless because of it all was even harder.

He also wanted to know why I have not gone after my husband sooner?
Well, i was on the other side of the world and we were doing okay. I was just so happy that he was on the other side of the planet why bother???!!! Besides the few lawyers I spoke with said it was impossible to deal with such a situation because of the distance and costs involved and the language. So I had to decide. I chose to move on without him.

AND HEY, WHY DOES A MOTHER HAVE TO ASK FOR MONEY FROM HER HUSBAND FOR THE KIDS??? WHY WOULDN'T A FATHER JUST GIVE THE MONEY BECAUSE IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!!!

I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!

As it turns out, my husband is asking for a divorce just now because he has decided to get married again. What kind of woman would want to marry such an irresponsible man?  I hope she gets an iron clad pre-nup
agreement to protect any children she has. It is clear this man can not keep a promise.
All in all I really wish them luck. Really.

I am just so dang happy to be free.

So it is very very clear that in order to keep going there is so much I have to put out of my head. So much! Then when I have to talk about it with anyone, like my friends cousin after the visit to the lawyer, it just drains my energy dry. It starts up all the nightmares and makes me sick to my stomach. I just can not do it any more. I have had it.  I have really really had it.

So where does that leave me?
Besides fed up? 
I have to keep my energy so I can keep doing the best I can for and with my children.
I need to forgive my husband...
I need to forgive Annette...
I need to forgive my Mother...

FORGIVE, FORGET, AND MORE FORWARD.

I believe that karma is not how people treat you but the result of how you treat people.
If these people have been brought into my life to test me, then test me no more.
I forgive them.
Will they be a part of my life again. No, but I am okay with that.
(hurt me once shame on you...hurt me twice, shame on me)
I now move on.
It is time.

Ahhh, I feel better already.

So this will be my last BLOG on the subject. Sorry, but this is how this chapter ends.