Hello again. I know it has been a long time since I wrote on my BLOG but I have a whole new understanding of "Same shit, different pile".
I have simply been praying and hoping for a miracle to happen but as it turns out. So far nothing. But then again one never knows when the universe is stepping in or not.
A real good example of this would be what happened to me last week. As I now only have $2 in my bank account, I have been forced to turn in my 'Shoppers Drug Mart Optimum Points' for food. I had collected enough points that I would be able to get an $85 credit in the store. So last Friday night my daughter and I went out to do just that. Before we headed out my daughter found some change in her suitcase and was excited that we should first stop and get a bag of potatoes. Great! We love to make mashed potatoes and spiced potato skins as a meal. Even when we had good money this was our favorite meal. So off we went.
We went to the Superstore first and grabbed the spuds but when we came out I got an unbelievable headache. It was the worst I had ever had in my life and instantly brought me to tears. As my daughter is so sweet she insisted that we just go home and turn in our Shoppers points tomorrow. Me, being stubborn kept insisting I just needed a minute to calm down as it was probably due to stress. Nope, my daughter insisted we go home as I was already in so much pain I could hardly drive. She reminded me that we already have potatoes and we are good for the night. So I listened to her and we went home.
As sweet as she is, my darling daughter stepped up and made mashed potatoes and spiced baked skins. Her specialty. By the time it was ready my headache was gone. We ate. I then suggested that it was not too late to go back but we decided simply to wait until Saturday. In the early afternoon I set out to Shoppers and to my extreme surprise they were having a special on that was only Saturday and Sunday, that if you turn in your Optimum Points you get a bonus. Wow, instead of $85 worth of product, we were now going to get $125. I did not find this out until I went to the till to pay. There were no posters up announcing this, only an ad in the flyer. So the cashier froze my order while I went back and grabbed more stuff. Now if we had gone on Friday night like we had planned we would have missed out on this deal. I always tend to miss these deals because I never get the flyer (and if I do, never read them) It all worked out. Thanks to my mysterious headache.
So you never know when good things are happening.
Needless to say I have been looking for work. But things have changed. I went and made my resume and printed up extra copies and put them all into nice folders only to discover that no one would take my resume.
I have been gone out of the country too long to know that every one wants you to sign up online and not in person. The days of meeting someone and smiling and shaking hands have ended. Now we are just words on someones screen. How cheesy.
Well clearly if you can not beat them you join them. My results.... I keep getting back responses that I am too old. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??? I am only 42!!! I have never felt so out of wack in all my life. All my experience means nothing because of my age. That is just messed up! Whatever happened to the best person for the job? What ever happened to experience counting?
I did find one job that appealed to me and they called me for an interview. Unfortunately it is a non profit organization that can not afford to hire me unless a grant that they applied for goes through....in 4-6 months. I love the job. It is actually my dream job but I simply can not afford to wait. I need monies now.
So, what has become of my As**ole of a husband? Somehow he was able to go to the Supreme Court of BC and get a divorce granted. As of yesterday I am now officially divorced. I had no say in the process or a chance to make my side heard. Everywhere I turned I was told to get a lawyer and I can not afford one. I could not find a free one. I was awarded minimum payment for my children but no alimony. The court says he was to start paying me Nov. 1st 2010 and the first of every month after that but it is already December 9th 2010 and I have not seen a penny. I may now have to go through the process of having to file for the Province to step in and enforce payment. But as I only found all this out 4 days ago, I have been told the process will take 4-6 weeks before anyone can help me get money from him. So unless he grads some balls this will be a very quiet Christmas.
I was even told beggars can't be choosers. Hey Hey excuse me!!! He has not paid me a cent in 13 years. I am past begging. Why should he get away with this kind of behavior ??? This is okay with the courts?? I sure do not feel like Canada has my back!!
Whatever happened to the old ways of divorce meaning splitting everything 50/50??? Whatever happened to the house we bought together? Whatever happened to our classic car be bought together? What ever happened to the contents of our home we shared before we went to Europe? Simply "What Happened"???
He abandoned me with 3 small children and no money and an eviction to the apartment we were living in. He mentally and physically abused me for years! Why oh why does he get away with all this.
Do you know what I am going to do? Nothing! The way I figure it is this. Our Canadian Government may not have my back but I have faith in a higher power way above and beyond the stupidity that is here on earth. I feel that there is no greater punishment then the loss of ones children. I have incredible kids. My exhusband will never ever know this, he will always miss out on their awesomeness ! I have everything and he has nothing. He could try to replace them by having more kids but there will be no comparison ha ha ha.
There is not enough money on the earth to equal the wonderfulness of my kids and the Love they have for me and I them. He will never know this. One could almost pity the fool. Ha. I said almost.
So where are we and what are we doing? I am staying at a friends cousins guest house. I clean house and do odd gardening chores to help keep us welcome. It has been a very humbling experience.
My kids are still doing home school and I am endlessly looking for work. Like I said...same shit different pile. My kids, especially my daughter, have great hope, faith and belief that something really good will happen very soon. I am told to "Believe in the me that believes in you" this keeps me going.
I joined face book to "Get a life". It has helped me finds a lot of people from my past. It just saddens me that I have no good news to share with them. I have to lie all the time when asked if we are all okay. No one wants to hear how hard life is. No one. I put myself out there a few times with my story but never to hear from these friends again. Thee is one or two that say they care and keep me close but they are no in any kind of position to help me. Their friendship means the world to me.
I have even found some of my Swiss friends. The part that hurts is they do not believe for one minute that we are broke and homeless. That hurts. They do not believe that someone as awesome as Annette Ringier would ever put my family into such a position. That hurts even more.
I guess it is true that you learn who your friends are when you are down. It hurts because if we were in a position to help a friend in need we would. Really. But I am constantly reminded that everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out. So be it.
Everyday I have to wake up and give myself a pep talk to keep my chin up and my hopes high. It is hard, it would be so easy to just give up and curl into a little ball and say F**k it! Clearly I am made of better stuff then that. I chose to keep the faith and hope that "Yes", something GREAT & WONDERFUL is about to happen. The nice thing is, I will know who my real friends are. Clearly. What an awkward blessing.
Christmas is coming soon. We do not care. We have no tree or decorations and certainly there will be no gift exchange this year. But we are simply so happy that we have each other. Really.
My youngest son is about to turn 14 in two weeks. There will be no party, for this I feel bad. My oldest will have a birthday 2 weeks later and the same thing. So please say a prayer and send us some good wishes. We can use all the positive vibes that we can get.
Last night I got an email from my 'Dream Job' at Super Chefs of the Universe http://www.superchefs.tv and it turns out they have more faith in me then I do of myself at the moment. When they can afford me , they still want me. I am very happy for this. In the mean time, they are going to get the word out and help me look for work. How wonderful. Good people like this are few and far between.
I am back in the life of my sister. After losing my Mom, this relationship means the world to me. My kids are also happy to have family. She is not in a position to help but just having her to talk to helps big time. being able to go to her home and have a coffee and laugh feels so good. Having her wish the best for me and the kids is everything to me. I missed her. Living so far away was always hard. I hope we never stray again.
Things are slowly looking up.
Thank you for taking the time to read my Blog. I will write again soon.
Randie
